Learning To Love The Gray
“Absolute equals nothingness.” — Dejan Stojanovic
I used to live in black and white. Gray was scary as fuck for me.
The gray color shocked my system because I didn’t know myself enough. I thought if I lived in absolutes, they would keep me safe – within the bounds of what I thought I knew, or was scared to look at.
Of course we all know being confined to a space to keep me comfortable – just for comforts sake – isn’t really my thing.
So, I’ve been in a perpetual gray space of comfort zone crashing – where knowing the “answer” doesn’t come easily, “I don’t know” is something I’m not afraid to say and living in the simplicity of the moment has me like, “aaaah!”
Which is probably why you haven’t heard from me since I last told you I was leaving on a jet plane to Vegas for some adult time with the hubs.
When I came back, it was hard for me to get back into the groove, back into writing + “doing”. I’m sure we’ve all felt this way coming off of vacation, especially a Vegas Vacation. 🙂
I had told myself I would send out a blog once a week + some weeks were easy to do that, other weeks were more difficult…but, I did it. I told myself, “Hell yeah, girl” – and slapped my own ass for showing up and doing the work.
But, I felt a sense of trying to “make things happen” with my writing upon returning from vacation and I knew forcing would do no good.
And then I got writers block, which is super rare for me.
And then I started having crazy, consistent pregnancy and birth dreams (I will cover that in the next blog, p-romise!)
Instead of forcing a blog out and it not being from my heart, or potentially a crap load of regurgitated info…
I sat in the unknown (still sitting there half the time actually).
Got really silent.
Started asking a mother-load of questions around what was swirling inside of me.
And offered it all up to the Divine.
I felt a storm brewing – the winds of change were definitely upon me. I remember getting an intuitive hit before we left for Vegas that a big change was coming. I wasn’t sure what it was, I even asked the Uni what the change was, but the feeling simply said, “Just wait.” And I left it at that.
So, when I started having those dreams + writers block and a storm in my spirit – I chose the gray space and have been swimming in that color bath for a while now.
What I’ve picked up along the way is the word congruency.
Congruency to where I am now + the Keli I Be at this very moment.
It was scary for me to not only realize, but also choose to ACT on congruency.
- That meant not sending out a blog post until I let the dust settle into what was going on within me (p.s. – if you don’t feel it already, my writing is my biz and my biz is my writing – if we ain’t aligned, then I’m sending out shitty content + nobody got time for that!).
- It meant sitting in silence, in wonder, in amazement and a mother-load of surrender.
- It means moving to the beat of your soul, not the pounding of strategy.
- It means truly believing in the desires of your heart, showing up and then releasing it all to manifest how it will – even if it doesn’t look the way you think it should.
What if we swayed like the trees + followed the nature of the winds that whisper upon the leaves?
What if we chose love over fear?
What if we Do It For The Love?
Today, as I sat at my new, white desk (I love me some white space) + followed the soul nudge to journal and then write…I felt a sense of home.
Only, this feeling of home is like when you go on a vacation + you’re changed from experiencing a new smell, a new place of wander, yet when you return home – you feel new and used. Open and excited.
You are not the same person you were when you left on that plane, or road trip – you are a distilled version of you – even if the distillery process was a bit wonky in your world.
Thank you for being on your journey + choosing whatever you’re choosing to grow + expand.
Thank you for showing up + choosing life – out loud + on purpose.
Thank you, because when you choose to shine your light, so do others. Ripple effect, baby.
Where do I go from here? Learning To Love The Gray.
I go gray + create white space like a motherfucker because that’s where the “answers” burgeon – that’s where the Divine hides out + that’s where Love Rules.
Where do you go after you’ve chosen congruency?
How do you act on a newfound awareness about yourself?
How do you live in the question, so the soul whisper becomes a roar?
Ask away, Love. Show up.
And know, as Rumi lays it down, “What you seek is seeking you.”