Relationship Freedom + Why I Called Bullshit on “Two Becoming One”
There I was perusing the Internet like the mature 30-something that I am, scrolling through my Facebook feed as I wondered why I even placed my thumb on that blue icon on my iPhone in the first place — political rant after political rant — blah, blah and another blah.
Finally my eyes saw a post about love and marriage and that saying that pulls at the heartstrings so much…”when two become one.” Now, for some reason, I found myself playing my own game of Bullshit and thought to myself, “I’m married and don’t believe that saying.”
As I started to peel back my own onion, I thought, “Shit, I’m a walking contradiction it seems like. I’m happily married, wouldn’t change it for the world, yet, I don’t believe in all the love-buzz around marriage. Am I completely deranged, or is there more to this?”
Enter me, flying down my own rabbit hole.
You see, I’m a freedom fanatic. Some call me crazy and I’m quite comfortable with that, thank you very much. I’m all about freedom for and in every. damn. thing. Especially in relationships: please don’t tell me what to do, or expect certain things from me. (P.S. – my Hubs waves the same Freedom Flag — probably why we’re still married after 7 years). Now, I know that might sound like a little girl stomping her feet because she doesn’t get what she wants, but stay with me…
Because I know in my core that if I don’t feel freedom in my life I will, indeed, go bat-shit crazy and I will make Nurse Ratched contemplate a career change when I don’t feel like I’m ringing the Liberty Bell.
So, what really got me in a tizzy about the ole “when two become one” adage was not the act of marriage, or romance, or feeling so high on love you’re basically drunk – who doesn’t love the early phase of love when you feel like you’re walking on air and eating clouds to sustain yourself?
My craze tethered to the ball busting, freedom fanatic I am at heart.
Two becoming one made me feel stifled and quite frankly, like I couldn’t breathe.
And when freedom is one of your biggest must-haves in life, especially in relationships, you protect the shit out of it.
And that usually looks like:
— Having conversations so difficult and oozing with honesty that your lips quiver as you talk, but you know this is what growth feels like.
— The sand analogy: if you pick up sand and hold it tight all it does is seep through the cracks and tries desperately to come up for air. When you keep the palm of your hand open, the sand feels comfortable enough to nestle and fluid in its movement. Be like the open palm; flow.
In my relationship…
I feel united with my husband – not one.
I choose growth constantly over being comfortable in our relationship.
I require open door policies and raw truth telling.
We don’t get caught up in forever, or “till death do us part” – we do this moment, right now, because we know it’ll lead us to the next and the next…and the next. Ain’t nobody got time for future-trippin’.
My panties got in a wad over some words that struck a chord in me and with some onion peeling, I reaffirmed my must-have in life: freedom.
Whatever your non-negotiable in life is – freedom or whatever lights you up and makes you the best version of you – let that be your number one. Protect your must-have, caudle it, stoke your fire, own it and shrug off anyone who calls you crazy because of it.
I shall leave you with this quote:
“Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.”
— *Rob Siltanen or Steve Jobs/Apple or John Chapman (confusing confirmation all around trying to quote the right person, damn you Internet).
Love + Waving My Freedom Flag,