Sacred Laundry: Choosing The Divine Feminine
I’ve had the most intense conversations, epiphanies and full-on body + soul cries while doing laundry in my basement.
I’m not sure the significance, but I can tell you it makes a lot of sense considering laundry is where you bring the dirt to be cleansed. You know, purification.
Yep. Sacred Laundry is my jam apparently.
And my recent breakdown in the laundry room was no exception.
Dreams Can Be The Whisper of the Soul
I had three dreams within a week in which I was pregnant.
One actually woke me up and felt so damn real I had to like, broadcast to a few close family and friends about it (I woke up texting this dream out because I was so affected by it).
Each of the dreams was very different in the aspect of being pregnant (one I was pregnant with twins, the other I was 37 weeks pregnant and could not give birth fast enough).
Weird dreams? Sure.
However, the feelings I had around these dreams when I was conscious are what began my self-exploration and contemplation around the why and what of it all.
I couldn’t shake this feeling that a birthing of my own was about to come forth…
For weeks a simmering of emotions and questions had been sitting slightly tucked where I wasn’t ready to look. The dreams aroused these sleeping giants + now I began following my own questions down the rabbit hole.
When Hearts Burst
With feelings and ponderings coursing through me – what seemed to be like all day everyday – it was one afternoon in particular where it all just began to bust at the seams.
My lively 4-year old wanted me to play with her and as I obliged her requests to act like I was sleeping while she did her “mom thing”, I couldn’t help but feel a longing for her unlike I ever have.
I felt like I was in the room, but I wasn’t fully there. And as I had been doing – I started asking myself questions…
“What are you longing for?”
“Are you disconnected?”
“How is self-care going for you?”
I’m not sure what question jarred the “answer” loose – living in the question tends to bring up anything we aren’t willing to look at, or don’t even know we got going on beneath the surface.
The epiphany pierced me like only truth knows how: I haven’t fully accepted my life as a stay-at-home mom and caregiver.
Sure, I had ongoing awareness around my ideas of what I thought my life was going to be like at this point (Oprah, you haven’t called yet?!) – to what it actually looks like right now (hint, major fucking difference than I “expected” – go life!).
I’d navigate through these subtle epiphanies when they popped up – which looked a lot like spewing my truth to the hubs and I would feel like a weight was lifted off of me.
This time around was different – a complete soul shift was occurring in my daughters room, right in front of my eyes; almost as if an earthquake erupted in me, a scattering of everything which no longer served me drifted into the ether and I was left to put the puzzle pieces together of the “new” me.
Sacred Laundry – Breakdown to Breakthrough
After I was done accommodating Ava’s every cute little, “Mama pretend you are sleeping while I cook…” and these eureka moments were stirring through me, I went to get my laundry on.
The moment I began to move loads of clothes and began folding tiny socks…I lost it; my soul cracked open and a waterfall of tears and sobs began to whale out of me.
I felt like I was being held by the Force of the Universe as I stood there purging all that desired to be set free.
Every salt soaked tear that fell from my eye represented the remembering that was occurring within me: My pushing away of the Divine Feminine within me for so long finally hit a breaking point…
She was ready to be recognized.
She demanded to be seen + heard.
She wanted to nurture me.
She wanted to tell me to “take it easy, sister.”
She hurt every time I dishonored myself by choosing the masculine to keep me “safe.”
She roared + said she would no longer stay quiet any longer.
I accepted her ferocious peace offering, as I knew my soul was exactly where it was meant to be.
Choosing The Divine Feminine – Red Lips + Romps, Please
The beauty of awareness is super abundant with possibility and most of all choice.
Choice…to a new path.
Choice…of a freedom you didn’t know existed.
Choice…to know more of whom you are.
Choice…to live your highest truth.
And since I had this new awareness around allowing and expressing more of the Divine Feminine in my life, I began choosing things, which not only lit up my soul, but allowed this new part of me to raise her freak flag!
You might be wondering what the hell is the Divine Feminine exactly?
There’s Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energy + I see the two energies like this (in a nutshell):
Feminine energy being that of soft, intuitive, caring, nurturing, right brain thinking.
Masculine energy being that of logic, action oriented, competitive, left brain thinking.
Of course, you can Google the hell out of Divine Feminine + find what you’re looking for on the topic.
Most of my life I lived with masculine energy and now I was ready to embrace and cultivate more of the feminine energy. Bring. It. On.
Since being aware of the scales that need more tipping in my world to The Divine Feminine, I began choosing and creating a life filled with more feminine energy – like so:
Red lips, if you dare…
Make-up has truly never been my thing, I barely know how to put it on, but I had to question whether I was dismissing make-up because I really didn’t like it, or because it’s “too feminine” of a thing to do.
My intuition knocked hard + said, “Girl, get yo’self some lipstick and call it good.” So I did + have been rockin’ it AND feeling fab with it ever since.
No makeover, just an addition to my beauty routine that cultivated a really glam feeling inside me.
Haha – I had been remarking to a friend that I tend to deny physical pleasure.
My hunky hubs might be feelin’ a little frisky + I would be like, reeeeaalllly? Once I was aware that I was going about that in a masculine way, I decided to feminize the shit out of my pleasure + not deny it anymore.
Hello pleasure + squeals. Goodbye denial.
You don’t have to wear red lipstick, or amp up your sex life to feel more feminine (actually, always amp up your sex life!), but if what you just read speaks to your heart – perhaps you have some Divine Feminine scales that want some attention.
Birth your own Feminine qualities that are begging for attention + be open to the journey (even those wild dreams) that is itching to unfold.
Big Love + Sacred Laundry,