I’ve had the most intense conversations, epiphanies and full-on body + soul cries while doing laundry in my basement.

I’m not sure the significance, but I can tell you it makes a lot of sense considering laundry is where you bring the dirt to be cleansed. You know, purification.

Yep. Sacred Laundry is my jam apparently.

And my recent breakdown in the laundry room was no exception.

Dreams Can Be The Whisper of the Soul

I had three dreams within a week in which I was pregnant.

One actually woke me up and felt so damn real I had to like, broadcast to a few close family and friends about it (I woke up texting this dream out because I was so affected by it).

Each of the dreams was very different in the aspect of being pregnant (one I was pregnant with twins, the other I was 37 weeks pregnant and could not give birth fast enough).

Weird dreams? Sure.

However, the feelings I had around these dreams when I was conscious are what began my self-exploration and contemplation around the why and what of it all.

I couldn’t shake this feeling that a birthing of my own was about to come forth…

For weeks a simmering of emotions and questions had been sitting slightly tucked where I wasn’t ready to look. The dreams aroused these sleeping giants + now I began following my own questions down the rabbit hole.

When Hearts Burst

With feelings and ponderings coursing through me – what seemed to be like all day everyday – it was one afternoon in particular where it all just began to bust at the seams.

My lively 4-year old wanted me to play with her and as I obliged her requests to act like I was sleeping while she did her “mom thing”, I couldn’t help but feel a longing for her unlike I ever have.

I felt like I was in the room, but I wasn’t fully there. And as I had been doing – I started asking myself questions…

“What are you longing for?”

“Are you disconnected?”

“How is self-care going for you?”

I’m not sure what question jarred the “answer” loose – living in the question tends to bring up anything we aren’t willing to look at, or don’t even know we got going on beneath the surface.

The epiphany pierced me like only truth knows how: I haven’t fully accepted my life as a stay-at-home mom and caregiver.

Sure, I had ongoing awareness around my ideas of what I thought my life was going to be like at this point (Oprah, you haven’t called yet?!) – to what it actually looks like right now (hint, major fucking difference than I “expected” – go life!).

I’d navigate through these subtle epiphanies when they popped up – which looked a lot like spewing my truth to the hubs and I would feel like a weight was lifted off of me.

This time around was different – a complete soul shift was occurring in my daughters room, right in front of my eyes; almost as if an earthquake erupted in me, a scattering of everything which no longer served me drifted into the ether and I was left to put the puzzle pieces together of the “new” me.

Sacred Laundry – Breakdown to Breakthrough

After I was done accommodating Ava’s every cute little, “Mama pretend you are sleeping while I cook…” and these eureka moments were stirring through me, I went to get my laundry on.

The moment I began to move loads of clothes and began folding tiny socks…I lost it; my soul cracked open and a waterfall of tears and sobs began to whale out of me.

I felt like I was being held by the Force of the Universe as I stood there purging all that desired to be set free. 

Every salt soaked tear that fell from my eye represented the remembering that was occurring within me: My pushing away of the Divine Feminine within me for so long finally hit a breaking point…

She was ready to be recognized.

She demanded to be seen + heard.

She wanted to nurture me.

She wanted to tell me to “take it easy, sister.”

She hurt every time I dishonored myself by choosing the masculine to keep me “safe.”

She roared + said she would no longer stay quiet any longer.

I accepted her ferocious peace offering, as I knew my soul was exactly where it was meant to be.

Choosing The Divine Feminine – Red Lips + Romps, Please

The beauty of awareness is super abundant with possibility and most of all choice.

Choice…to a new path.

Choice…of a freedom you didn’t know existed.

Choice…to know more of whom you are.

Choice…to live your highest truth.

And since I had this new awareness around allowing and expressing more of the Divine Feminine in my life, I began choosing things, which not only lit up my soul, but allowed this new part of me to raise her freak flag!

You might be wondering what the hell is the Divine Feminine exactly?

There’s Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine energy + I see the two energies like this (in a nutshell):

Feminine energy being that of soft, intuitive, caring, nurturing, right brain thinking.

Masculine energy being that of logic, action oriented, competitive, left brain thinking.

Of course, you can Google the hell out of Divine Feminine + find what you’re looking for on the topic.

Most of my life I lived with masculine energy and now I was ready to embrace and cultivate more of the feminine energy. Bring. It. On.

Since being aware of the scales that need more tipping in my world to The Divine Feminine, I began choosing and creating a life filled with more feminine energy – like so:

Red lips, if you dare…

Make-up has truly never been my thing, I barely know how to put it on, but I had to question whether I was dismissing make-up because I really didn’t like it, or because it’s “too feminine” of a thing to do.

My intuition knocked hard + said, “Girl, get yo’self some lipstick and call it good.” So I did + have been rockin’ it AND feeling fab with it ever since.

No makeover, just an addition to my beauty routine that cultivated a really glam feeling inside me.

Romantic Romps…

Haha – I had been remarking to a friend that I tend to deny physical pleasure.

My hunky hubs might be feelin’ a little frisky + I would be like, reeeeaalllly? Once I was aware that I was going about that in a masculine way, I decided to feminize the shit out of my pleasure + not deny it anymore.

Hello pleasure + squeals. Goodbye denial.

You don’t have to wear red lipstick, or amp up your sex life to feel more feminine (actually, always amp up your sex life!), but if what you just read speaks to your heart – perhaps you have some Divine Feminine scales that want some attention.

Birth your own Feminine qualities that are begging for attention + be open to the journey (even those wild dreams) that is itching to unfold.

Big Love + Sacred Laundry,

Keli

“Absolute equals nothingness.” — Dejan Stojanovic

I used to live in black and white. Gray was scary as fuck for me.

The gray color shocked my system because I didn’t know myself enough. I thought if I lived in absolutes, they would keep me safe – within the bounds of what I thought I knew, or was scared to look at.

Of course we all know being confined to a space to keep me comfortable – just for comforts sake – isn’t really my thing.

So, I’ve been in a perpetual gray space of comfort zone crashing – where knowing the “answer” doesn’t come easily, “I don’t know” is something I’m not afraid to say and living in the simplicity of the moment has me like, “aaaah!”

Which is probably why you haven’t heard from me since I last told you I was leaving on a jet plane to Vegas for some adult time with the hubs.

When I came back, it was hard for me to get back into the groove, back into writing + “doing”. I’m sure we’ve all felt this way coming off of vacation, especially a Vegas Vacation. 🙂

I had told myself I would send out a blog once a week + some weeks were easy to do that, other weeks were more difficult…but, I did it. I told myself, “Hell yeah, girl” – and slapped my own ass for showing up and doing the work.

But, I felt a sense of trying to “make things happen” with my writing upon returning from vacation and I knew forcing would do no good.

And then I got writers block, which is super rare for me.

And then I started having crazy, consistent pregnancy and birth dreams (I will cover that in the next blog, p-romise!)

Instead of forcing a blog out and it not being from my heart, or potentially a crap load of regurgitated info…

I sat in the unknown (still sitting there half the time actually).

Got really silent.

Started asking a mother-load of questions around what was swirling inside of me.

And offered it all up to the Divine.

I felt a storm brewing – the winds of change were definitely upon me. I remember getting an intuitive hit before we left for Vegas that a big change was coming. I wasn’t sure what it was, I even asked the Uni what the change was, but the feeling simply said, “Just wait.” And I left it at that.

So, when I started having those dreams + writers block and a storm in my spirit – I chose the gray space and have been swimming in that color bath for a while now.

What I’ve picked up along the way is the word congruency.

Congruency to where I am now + the Keli I Be at this very moment.

It was scary for me to not only realize, but also choose to ACT on congruency.

• That meant not sending out a blog post until I let the dust settle into what was going on within me (p.s. – if you don’t feel it already, my writing is my biz and my biz is my writing – if we ain’t aligned, then I’m sending out shitty content + nobody got time for that!).

• It meant sitting in silence, in wonder, in amazement and a mother-load of surrender.

• It means moving to the beat of your soul, not the pounding of strategy.

• It means truly believing in the desires of your heart, showing up and then releasing it all to manifest how it will – even if it doesn’t look the way you think it should.

What if we swayed like the trees + followed the nature of the winds that whisper upon the leaves?

What if we chose love over fear?

What if we Do It For The Love?

Today, as I sat at my new, white desk (I love me some white space) + followed the soul nudge to journal and then write…I felt a sense of home.

Only, this feeling of home is like when you go on a vacation + you’re changed from experiencing a new smell, a new place of wander, yet when you return home – you feel new and used. Open and excited.

You are not the same person you were when you left on that plane, or road trip – you are a distilled version of you – even if the distillery process was a bit wonky in your world.

Thank you.

Thank you for being on your journey + choosing whatever you’re choosing to grow + expand.

Thank you for showing up + choosing life – out loud + on purpose.

Thank you, because when you choose to shine your light, so do others. Ripple effect, baby.

Where do I go from here? Learning To Love The Gray. 

I go gray + create white space like a motherfucker because that’s where the “answers” burgeon – that’s where the Divine hides out + that’s where Love Rules.

Where do you go after you’ve chosen congruency?

How do you act on a newfound awareness about yourself?

How do you live in the question, so the soul whisper becomes a roar?

Ask away, Love. Show up.

And know, as Rumi lays it down, “What you seek is seeking you.”

Big Love,

Keli

Confession Time: I suck hardcore sometimes at follow-up or hell, follow-through.

• Emails go unreturned at times.
• Voicemails reeeeealllly go unchecked most of the time.
• To-Do lists pile up and transferred from day to day.
• Those couple lingering grocery items truly never get picked up.
• “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Famous last words of mine.

I’m not proud of it, but to be quite honest, up until recently I felt like I was just placing my priorities where they “should” be – like with taking care of our little one and being a caregiver to my father and oh yeah, writing and trying to run an online biz.

Of course I would check off the urgent stuff that needed to get done + I really am a badass at organization and day-to-day stuff, but the “little” things I definitely tend to place in the Little Things Box – until recently…

This week I have been preparing for a trip to Vegas with the hubs, so I scribbled down what had to get done + holy hell, I was on a mission! Motivated and marking things off the list like a boss.

As I drove from errand to errand, checking off what was next, I found that familiar voice inside my head talking to me as I was driving out of the Target parking lot: “You can do that tomorrow. Just go home.”

I sat with the thought for a little bit and then a surge of motivation went through me to get what I needed to get done TODAY. The feeling was strong and pulsating and I realized at that moment it was the thought of going to Vegas (holy happiness!) and not wanting to do anything last minute that really lit a fire under my ass.

I knew I really didn’t have the luxury of “tomorrow” to run around, so it had to get done today and I totally had the time for it (I think the heat was begging me to get to my air conditioned house – oh, sweet summer).

This Trick Helped My Motivation + Follow-Through: I was managing my to-do list like a bucket list (the “expiration date” being tomorrow). <— TWEET THIS!

And it was working – I felt light and free as a bird when I walked in that air-conditioned house. I started to play with the idea of an expiring to-do list and implementing it more in my day-to-day life and it truly has been a game changer.

Now, I’m not saying I’m 100% on that bucket to-do list, but my awareness around the “little” things has been huge, especially when I started to realize these “little” things really make up the big things – just like that quote says:

“Enjoy the little things for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” – Robert Brault

Alright sunshine, I’m off to get ready for a pool + meeeeee time. Love you!

Love + Buckets of Motivation,

Keli

I recall transferring clothes from the washer to the dryer one day in my early 20’s while in the midst of a rollercoaster of emotions – fresh off of a break-up and deep in my own thought and honestly, extreme heartache.

I was scratching the wounds of no longer being in my first – almost two-year, “adult” relationship I experienced.

The drama was small surrounding our parting of ways, but it wasn’t my first rodeo either. I had experienced a break-up before (hello, First Love – nothing like that feeling to bring you to your knees) + I had other relationships in between.

But, this one, well – it was one of my longest + most mature – the dude was five years older than me + at that time (me being in my early 20’s + him being on the opposite end of them) – what drew us together, in the end, also threw us apart.

As I stood there in the laundry area, feeling like my heart was truly outside my body – pumping + aching simultaneously – I thought about how it would actually feel to be back together and oddly enough…it did not light me up.

Despite my emotions of sadness and reeling from life as I knew it for the last two years, thinking about being a couple again was not making me feel any better.

And then at the perfect moment a thought of clarity struck me like only the Divine truly can: “Kel, just because it’s ‘good’ doesn’t mean it’s ‘right’ for you anymore.”

Growth, sister. Growth. It’s painful as fuck, but if you just go there, it brings you to a place of knowing yourself more than you ever have and without sounding all airy-fairy, full of rainbows indeed.

I thought + felt it out:

“He’s a good guy.”

“We had a good relationship.”

“He treated me right.”

“We were trying to build a life + future together.”

“We had our shit together.”

“We rarely argued. Well, except those last 6 months.”

I had to think again why it’s not right for me?!

And as growth does to you – it bitchslapped me – I was indeed feeling the sentiments of a break-up.

Any damn time you intimately open yourself up to someone for a prolonged period, how the hell can you not feel like your soul is a little (or a lot) shattered (temporarily)?

However, growth was shouting at me by honing in on the ‘why do I not feel better thinking about us being back together?’ thing + it was trying to tell me that I/we had outgrown each other.

Don’t confuse your legitimate feelings of grief (sadness, regret, what if’s, pain in your heart) with ACTING on those emotions. They are most definitely temporary, so perhaps envision yourself, like I did, back together and if that doesn’t light you up, that’s a major sign growth is occurring.

Look, it’s not a “bad” thing that you have outgrown something or someone – I like to hold major gratitude for that person/situation and be super appreciative for what I learned + experienced in that time and for the person I became through it all.

I’ve had many conversations with friends going through a break-up, or on the fence with whether to stay or go in a relationship, and every time they tell me their mediocre story of how “good” someone is/was to them, I usually ask – “But, does the thought of being together again light you up?”

And if the answer is no, or there is doubt or hesitation – I let them know that just because something or someone is “good” doesn’t mean it’s “right” for them anymore.

Walk through the temporary pain of the present moment + growth will fuel you through the journey of knowing yourself more deeply. 

Love + Lighting Up,

Keli

I recently chose a weekend trip out of town over an urge to pack everything up and move to a new place.

Stop the train right now – that is some serious stuff in my world.

You see; I’ve had the wanderlust bug in me most of my life. I get all whimsical thinking of my next gypsy stroll, sweet temporary quarters and then my crazy-ass actually (90% of the time) does it.

I move. I move again. I move back. Rinse. Repeat.

Rarely in one place too long, I love not knowing where I’m headed. That was my life for a long time, but having a family makes being a feather in the wind not so much about me anymore; I’m bringing everyone along for my soul’s journey. And I had to do some deep sea soul diving to merge those two worlds.

Even being married for almost six years now + experiencing life with a fierce four-year old, I still have tendencies to consider myself first and foremost (thankfully, my hubs is quick to remind me there is more than one person in this family). Score for cosmic bitch-slappers!

After road-tripping through New Mexico, Las Vegas and finally moving to Santa Barbara, CA w/ sprees to Colorado, Memphis – we eventually moved back home to Colorado just in time to ring in 2014.

The time that passed since has been one of healing.

And not just the type of healing that occurs when you stop bleeding, or the scars fade – a healing several dimensions deep – one where you + your soul are no longer the same. 

I feel as though I have been in my own self-directed program of Travel Recovery. Vacillating between intense desires to stay home + not go any place that is more than 10 minutes away – to recently, waking up to a pulse in my soul to spread my wings again.

It’s when I felt that pounding pulse knocking on my wanderlust soul that I felt like…shrinking.

Why shrinking? Because it scared the shit out of me – I knew I wasn’t the “old” Keli that would pack up everything and leave everyone in the dust, but I also knew for me to flourish, I had to explore this heart tug. I was almost afraid of the exploration, but I knew I had to go there.

So, explore I did.

I spoke my feelings out loud with the hubs + friends and I also went inward – I got really comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings of where I was sitting – even, when I felt like I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

What eventually erupted was a sense of GROWTH. And I use growth in caps because that place isn’t always pretty, but you know you’ve grown when you can sit in IT, feel IT, roll around in IT + know you will be a “better” version of YOU on the other side of all the murkiness of the moment. You go there – with unease, confusion and a set of balls to walk through the beautiful mess.

I am fresh off of a weekend trip out of town – I chose to experiment with a spurt of travel out of town over a dumping of all my material possessions for a backpack and an open road. I told myself ‘try this first + we will go from there. No future-trippin’, sister.’

I feel like I’ve grown. I feel filled up. I feel well, more like “me”.

So, when your husband tells you (like three years ago when you are throwing an adult, rebel-heart tantrum over his resistance to packing up everything and moving), “Hon, you just need to travel more. You love coming home. You don’t have to move everywhere you want to travel.” And you laugh in his face + keep stomping your feet – potentially be ready to eat your words. Because growth hurts so good sometimes.

Love + Eating My Words,

Keli

Ever have the feelings of dread and uncertainty?

Very human feelings to have, right?

Recently, I received a text message from a really close loved one, someone whom I hold dear, dear, dear to my heart – which basically stated that they dread their job, feel stuck and out of sorts, yet they can’t exactly place “why” they feel the way they do.

And, with their permission, I’m going to share with you the convo I had with that person, so if you have these feelings, this might be the blog for you!

I know many of you (myself included) have felt this way, so no more feeling alone + I give you my spin on getting unstuck.

Here is the actual(ish) conversation:

Loved One: I’m having a weird day…I honestly haven’t felt this way in a long time.

Me: Oooooh, I’m sorry! Feel it, let it move through you!

Loved One: I’m dreading this job now that I’m placed in a new area…I guess I am feeling confused because I don’t know what it means.

And like last night, I felt pretty defeated and I couldn’t place it then, but now I’m feeling like I felt that way because I was feeling like I’m stuck here again and don’t know how to get out.

Me: I hear you – maybe old memories, feelings of how it was when you were there before?

And you are no way stuck – KNOW THAT!

Loved One: And it’s not that it’s miserable, but it’s definitely not my grandest vision for my life.

Me: Perhaps you are feeling a call now to grow beyond where you are!

So, take these feelings of lack-luster + start “working” on what you DO want to create in your life + be totally grateful for the journey along the way!

And don’t get lost in your head! You truly have to choose something + run with it! You can change along the way, but you have to have a vision to move you forward.

Loved One: I guess that’s where I freak out…I don’t have a clear vision really, I just know I don’t want to be here forever…I have some resistance to monetizing stuff.

So much resistance!

Me: Follow that resistance – that’s where the magic is.

Explore it. Make Love to it – that resistance – your “answers” are usually locked away in there!

Loved One: I don’t know what my value is…

Me: Your VALUE is YOU!

Do NOT make this more complicated than it is.

But, you gotta work through your own personal blocks you have right now.

Loved One: I’m trying not to but I really have no idea where to start I think I’m still processing my feelings on all of this.

Me: No doubt. All I know is it’s a balance of processing + action – because action bitch punches fear – I wrote a blog about it. LOL.

Read it sometime. 

Loved One: I almost feel like I have 6 months to live + I certainly don’t want it to be divided up here in this job, but I can’t think reactively like that, so I’m confused lol – thanks for the chat though. I gotta get back to work now!

Does this conversation sound familiar to you? I think, especially nowadays, there is this feeling of wanting to define your “purpose” + I have been down that rabbit hole waaaaaay too many times to count.

I’m no guru on the idea of “purpose”, but I’ve come to this really sweet place now where I don’t place my value in what I DO, but rather in how I BE.

I ask myself, “What would Love do?” And I try to act according to what my heart spews at that moment in time. It hasn’t led me astray yet (only when I don’t listen to it of course).

And a side note on playing small:

Do you have to be backed into a corner – your whole world crashing down on you – before you decide to show the fuck up in life + play full out?

I’ve learned that taking consistent, inspired action is where it’s at to move a dream forward because if you aren’t showing up for yourself – who the hell else will?

You are not stuck + you don’t have to figure everything out right away – clarity comes through action + consistency (and a load of prayer and meditation).

Keep. Showing. Up.

Work through your energetic leaks.

Allow the magic to fester + erupt.

And most of all, feel good along the way.

Love + What Would Love Do,

Keli

“The comfort zone is the great enemy to creativity; moving beyond it necessitates intuition, which in turn configures new perspectives and conquers fears.”

– Dan Stevens

“Take a leap of faith, girl.”

“Live it up, sister.”

“Step outside your comfort zone why don’t you?”

“Choose more adventure in your life, huh?”

“Live life on the edge, already!”

Have you ever been told one of these lines?

I’m sure these little quips of go-getter-ness are familiar to you; they are for most people.

Although, I know wanting to scratch someone’s eye out might be a thought when one of these lines get dropped on you, but let’s not get too crazy yet – I have a list of some legit, inspirational reasons for taking a leap of faith.

Why the hell listen to me about taking a leap of faith?

Well, you don’t have to of course. But, I can tell you, if there was a degree in Comfort Zone Crashing, I would be an A++ student, fo’ sho’!

I thrive in the unknown + have always joked that I have more balls than brains, but I digress.

Let’s get to the junk-punch, real-deal and full of heart reasons to take a leap of faith.

1.  Start + The Pressure Will Be Off:

“When the time is on you, START, and the pressure will be off.” – Yogi Bhajan

The Yogi man knows what’s up. Have you ever been so inspired – loaded with tons of ideas, but felt paralyzed because you didn’t know where to start?

Most of us probably have felt this way, especially if you are an entrepreneur bogged with a million thoughts in your head + a song in your heart.

START. Begin. Jump.

Don’t try to “figure it out” because you will spend all of your life trying to do that.

One of my favorite ways to “start” is to brain dump everything on a blank sheet of paper; get in the ring with your pen and blank canvas.

After it’s all out there, start taking consistent, inspired action. I’ve learned that just by showing up, you place yourself in the ring of life and it has to reward you for bringing your sweat to the table.

Clarity comes when you take action, so just DO IT!

2.  Action Bitch-Punches Fear: 

Too many ideas swirling around in your head?

Can’t sleep because you just had a eureka moment?

And then the dust settles and you feel yourself shrinking + thinking you can’t do it.

I call bullshit + a cure for that thinking is taking action.

Have a business idea? Start taking steps to get the ball rolling – get a business mentor, talk to people in that field.

Have an idea for a book? Start mapping out the chapters, or hell, start showing up to write everyday.

Want to travel somewhere foreign? Talk to people who have been there, place a date in the calendar, buy a map and make love to it.

Nothing is forever + everything is malleable.

Clarity comes through action – your dream may shift, it may take on a new face, but you won’t know that unless you show the hell up.

3.  Stop Striving For Perfection:

“Fail, fail again, fail better.” – Pema Chödrön

Trying to be perfect is maddening, so stop it, dammit!

We are human, therefore we are meant to be HUMAN – not perfect (and trying to be perfect pretty much sucks – I know, I’m a recovering perfectionist).

By taking on life as an adventure, you can free yourself from the perfection road paved to hell + start living in a space where it is totally okay to make “mistakes” and truly LIVE.

Once you realize that you might in fact “fail” the pressure seems to fade away + you can take on life with more fun + ease.

4.  The Bold + Ballsy Are Highly Rewarded:

When you show up in the world with bold faith + take those plunges into the unknown, I have seen that the Universe rewards those actions handsomely.

From the outside, decisions that make absolutely no sense whatsoever are usually the ones where your soul is yearning to go. Follow your nudges + whispers of the heart, it is trying to tell you something, even if it looks totally illogical.

Don’t shy away from what you may “need” to learn along the way when you make a ballsy move – it’s all part of the journey.

For example, when I moved my family to Santa Barbara based SOUL-y on my faith + intuition, what transpired out there looked NOTHING like I thought it would. However, from the eyes of where I stand now, boy did I need that experience + I would do it again in a heartbeat, knowing who I became in the process of that experience.

Dream big + explore + jump + leave yourself wide open for the ride.

5.  Experiment: 

This is my favorite leap of faith – experiment.

I see life as one giant lab + experimenting is the name of the game.

Whenever I’m bogged down with what to choose + which path I want to go on, I end up reminding myself to EXPERIMENT.

You’re not stuck in anything + playing small does nobody any good.

Want to travel, but you don’t know where? Pick a place that excites you the most + go there. Don’t like the place you travelled to? Fly home. Sometimes we need contrast in our life to help us make the best decisions. Embrace the “problems.”

Want to try cutting out certain food? Stop eating that food, see how you feel. You can introduce it again into your palate.

Use the experimentation process as a clarity conductor to see what lights you up + choose from that energy.

You’re only stuck if you continue to judge yourself + stop choosing to experiment. Don’t make this shit difficult, ‘ya hear? 

Love + Flying Leaps of Faith,

Keli