I’m a pretty literal person + I definitely don’t read between the lines very well.
When someone remarks, “Didn’t you hear what that guy was trying to say?” I’m usually sitting there thinking so hard my brain starts to twitch, “Ummmm, nope, sure didn’t; all I literally heard was the exact words coming out of his mouth.”
It doesn’t help that my Hubs likes to tell me stories and paint me a picture of his intergalactic plans about the big-picture vision he has about how he would build something, “Does that make sense? Can you see it?”
No, I can’t see it, fool. Like, at all.
In fact, I’m now more confused about life than before this conversation.
And this is why I have such a difficult time with declining invitations.
I’m not talking just wedding invites and anniversary parties where I can RSVP with a checkmark in the no box – I mean any invite ever asked by a person.
Want to grab a coffee?
Shall we go to a movie?
Let’s do dinner!?
How does breakfast sound?
Weekend getaway sound off the charts?
As I’ve added more candles to ma’birthday cake I’m so less inclined to be social.
Call it an existential crisis, knowing myself better or just plain loving the shit out of being home – I find myself automatically wanting to say no to social stuff a lot.
But the conundrum doesn’t fall in my desire to say no – the conundrum arrives in HOW TO SAY NO.
You see, I find it excruciatingly difficult when all I want to say is “No” or “Hell no I’m not making that” when declining an invitation or passing on an event – because I’m told there are softer + gentler ways to let people down.
(Side note: Are we really letting people down? But I digress).
My brain plays the fastest game of Scrabble® when I get an invitation –
“Hell no, I’m not going to that.”
“Ok, for just an hour or two – I’ll leave when I want.”
“Oh, forget that the new season of Grace + Frankie just dropped on Netflix.”
“Oh snap, there’s gonna be mimosa’s? Honey, can you drop me off?”
After the dust has settled and it’s time to actually make a decision whether I’m going to show up to this happening or not, 90% of the time I opt to stay home – where there’s mimosa’s AND Netflix.
So why is it not socially acceptable to just say no in declining an invite – and that be enough?
Why do we feel like we have to offer an explanation or even an apology, “Love to, but I’m so busy” “I’m richly scheduled that weekend, sorry”?
I’ve probably read a weekends worth of articles on the art of saying no + gentle ways to go about metaphorically slamming the No Door in someone’s face.
Finding the right word choice to simultaneously not offend someone, potentially hurt their feelings yet also express what I need to express – has left me, well, a bit exhausted.
And I’m over it.
So, can we start a one-word revolution where no is a complete sentence?
I mean I tell my Little Love of a daughter that all the time, “No, is a complete sentence, honey. That goes both ways – for you and the other person.”
Why can’t I as a bloody adult just simply say, “No thanks” to an invite to go hiking (because I’d literally be dreaming of sitting on a patio drinking margarita’s the entire time [#SoNotANaturePerson #Facts])?
Now, I know I can simply say no and move on – I’m a free bird who can do whatever the hell I want.
So maybe I will.
As soon as I’m done with this margarita – because I’ll take tequila any day over dirt, rocks and the potential of being attacked by a mountain lion…
Because I said no.
Love + Hell No,